i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's great music for shaving your balls
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
