It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
