After last night, I could never be a politician.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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