gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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