butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
