...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
