Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
