Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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