I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
