Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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