i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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