i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
