Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
