i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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