My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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