The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
