so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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