I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Blood and glitter go together right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
