I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
