How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
