So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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