I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
