I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
