hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
