you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
