her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
