I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
pop tarts are not kleenex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
