That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
