she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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