Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
