Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
