i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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