brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
