I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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