Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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