youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I am morally bankrupt
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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