i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I could fuck to npr.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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