I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
