it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
