You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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