no, he came in my armpit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
