i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
