Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
