Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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