okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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