I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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