he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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