I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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