i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
