what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
