she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
