Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
